bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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