The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The uberlube is also flammable
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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