This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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