so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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