I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
