Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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