life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
