I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He told me they were just razor bumps!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
