i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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