I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
