Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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