and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
