I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
