So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
