OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
