I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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