I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize