Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
