We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
