I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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