you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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