if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
