so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
