a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
lets start a swedish sibling band together
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
