I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
