i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Still dying that you shit outside
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
