I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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