Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
