watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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