also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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