the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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