she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
