While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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