You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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