The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
