If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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