I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
