I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
