your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this just has baby written all over it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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