I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
