At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
