My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
