cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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