i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize