I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
