I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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