im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
