listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Enjoy the penises
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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