i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
