Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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