Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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