I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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