If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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