he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
