Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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