I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
