This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
