In the future we'll all be gay
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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