what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i now understand why vodka
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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