I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
