dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
