I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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