Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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