Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's official drugs can't kill me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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